Radical Love Story
This is the true story of a girl. A Christian. A surfer. A radical love story, with more overtones of tragedy than triumph. This is a tale that induces heart racing, stomach turning, and palms sweating just like attempting bigger surf and, more often than not, failing. Failing again and again until the moment you drop in and finally experience the ride of your life. The moment you realize every fall was for this stand, and your life will never be the same. Every trial was necessary, beautiful, devastating, and thrilling. Just like surfing. And in the end, it is life in God, in the suffering and love (and surf), that has redeemed this story and this life into one of hope.
From the moment my heart began to beat, my life was formed by angst and chaos. A young, unwed birth mother, a father presumed dead, my initial moments saturated with tears of trepidation. Handed over to wounded adoptive parents, a minister and his wife, the truth is that abuse is my first memory, and terror reigned from my earliest days. However, amidst the trauma, at the age of six, I remember feeling the Holy Spirit rise within me, and I was filled with a love that I had never known. Even though the abuse continued for years, I had found a refuge in the heart of Jesus that would never leave me, no matter how far I tried to run.
When I left for college, I was finally out from under the oppression of my parents, and I thrived in the freedom. I got to live at the beach and began to work as a model. But I hadn’t really healed from my past, and the pressure of the modeling industry soon led me down a path of destruction. My faith faltered as the world swept me up, filling me with false promises that ultimately left me empty. Then one dark night, I cried out in desperation to God, “If you are there, I need to know!” That night, I had a dream that felt more like a waking experience of God. I was given the answer to my question directly and immediately: “I am here. I love you.” It took years to rebuild my life, but eventually I gained traction as I found a church home, became a corporate executive, and raised my beloved son. But then, utter devastation ensued once again and in less than a year, I lost my husband (a pro surfer/windsurfer), twin babies in late-term utero, my home, and my dog.
After years of agony and grief, it was a spiritual mentor, prayer, and surfing that God used to call me out of my despair. When I would surf, just like sitting and praying in the silence, all the complexities of the world would melt away into the infinite ocean of God’s love. He knew my every need and provided me with a family of Christian surfers and a leadership role with CSUS National. Only God could form my heart in the specific way that CS needed and conversely, shaped CS in the way that I needed it even more.
Today, I once again find myself in a bottom turn, as my son is fighting for his life, and I along with him. But I am facing even this with the confidence that it is yet another opportunity to grow my heart and my faith. The totality of my life experiences has informed the way I am able to walk with my counseling clients (mostly young women, many CS girls) with a deep compassion because I’ve been there. I have learned to try to not let the weight of the world pull me under, but to recognize it as the very thing that draws me deeper into love. With every breath, we have the opportunity to allow Jesus to use us in a continual unfolding of grace and life-giving love that sets the soul on fire to light the way for others. All we need to do is to keep charging, especially when we fall. It is in the language of perseverance that the story of radical love is written.
By Kim Hitchcock
For the CS International Girls Journal
